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Domestic & Sexual Violence is NOT Your Fault. The Blame Stops Now.

Have you been a victim of Domestic or Sexual Violence? ***Raises Hand*** I have.

Have you been too afraid to speak about what you're going through? ***Raises Hand*** I have.

Have you had enough and wanted to disappear? ***Raises Hand*** I did.

My first encounter of Domestic Violence was at the age of 18. A jealous controlling boyfriend who kept me under his control. He questioned everything I did. Told me I was lying every time I spoke. If I took to long to come home after work, he felt I was having sex with someone and he would check me just to make sure. I wasn't allowed to see my friends. He made sure when my family was around that he was someone they would like but the moment we were alone, he was someone completely different. He was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive.

It became so bad that I thought I was the cause of my pain. I didn't have a voice. And I just knew anything I did was wrong. I became withdrawn, depressed, I felt undesired, and I just didn't know what was wrong with me. But I knew I didn't deserve it. No one deserves to be beat up on because their lack of self-esteem. I had to find courage. And I fought back. I got my voice back. I'm here to tell you that you can win! You can win your soul, your dignity and your life back in a major way. I am a survivor and so are you.

I wanted to share some ways to help you achieve the peace and self love you deserve. Ways to help you move on and get back the life you deserve and desire.

1. Do not blame yourself! You are not the cause to your pain behind your eyes. It's not your mouth, it's not your facial expression, it's not you. It's them. They have a mental disorder, a heart chakra blockage that is the cause of their own demise. Once you see that you are not the root cause, you can open up.

2. You are not alone. People including myself have been through what you are experiencing now. You do not have to hold on or suppress your feelings. You don't have to be scared. We are here for you. We emphasize with you. We are here to support and guide you.

3. Make them pay! Get mad. Don't be silent and let their actions slide. Hold them accountable for EVERYTHING! You need to make them fear as much if not more as you did. Call the police, call their family, call someone and report it. Let them get arrested and do not bail them out. Let them sit in there and think about their actions.

4. While they sit in jail, Escape. Remove yourself from the situation. Do not stay any longer. If you have children or not, there are places you can go that will help you get back on your feet. Stay at a friends house, go to a shelter, just don't stay there. Pack your bags and go. A house is only temporary but your life is more meaningful than possessions.

5. Forgive yourself. Save yourself and save others. Tell someone what is going on. You shouldn't have to suffer like this, alone. This causes depression, suicidal thoughts and more. Tell yourself you're sorry and please get the help you deserve. Going support groups, vent to a trusted friend, but never blame your own self for the actions that occurred.

If you are in a Domestic and/or Sexual Violence situation, or know someone who is, Please call 911 or contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Visit or call 1-800-799-7233

Alana McAllister

Self Published Book: Project Unsophisticated: The Story of My Unsophisticated Blackness (Available on Amazon)

Facebook: Alana McAllister

Instagram: SpecialVictories

#ProjectUnsophisticated #EmpowermentOfTheSoul